Childhood Memories

about the people who rise me up

This could be a bedtime story—which are actually far away from the actual stuff I supposed to typed, but never mind—if I tell a story about the time my life has changed. I have a nature of a tomboy girl and having a little brother brought me into a more masculine life. I used to share things with my brother and that means almost everything not private. Some examples: entertainments. I believe my parent was able to brought me some girly stuffs—I got some though—but I was absolutely didn’t want my brother to grow like a girl. For me it was okay to get a slightly tomboy—it could help sometimes.

So I ended up with boyish toys, watching boyish shows, and avoiding some girl toys, shows, and reads. I presumed this as one of lot of causes of my dumb tendency of—I could say, romantic things; but I don’t want to discuss it. This trait of me was not for public consume—I only did it at home. But it was an exception for that day. I even remembered the details.

I was on 5^th grade of primary school, so I assume it as the year 2011. I was the ace of the class and my class’ home teacher counting on me to prepare some stuff before the class started. I was reading the biography of national hero: Prince Diponegoro on my handbook of Indonesian Language lesson. Most of my classmates are out because it was break time. The only people out of 34 students was me, 5 noisy boys at the corner of the class, and maybe 3 shy girls other than me that builds their own circles. I already read the biography at home, so I finished my work in a short time. I didn’t know why I don’t get to the canteen for snacks but wandering my sight all over my class. It was a wide classroom due to the new seat arrangement of U letter, leaving more space on the center of the room rather than the old rows style. The walls were painted white and clean—it was on a new building—making a great lighting at noon.

My sight was stopped at the boys. I could admit that one of the reasons I starred at them was because I had a crush on one of them—I wasn’t going to discuss this neither—but the main reason was the book they were holding: Naruto, Comic Book of Volume 48. I was not a big fan of Naruto that day, but I understand the main plot since I used to watch some episodes of several anime aired on local channel. And what a coincidence! I just bought the exact same edition on my holiday trip, on the ship to my home from my mom’s village. I am sure that I already finish the book and don’t really sure why did I approached the boys—one thing I never did before. Now I presumed that I was totally touched by how the storyline developed and considered the book as a masterpiece.  I also figured out that the feelings brought me unconscious so I just get around the boys, pointing at the book—I remember doubting a good respond from them though—and said “Is that Naruto’s volume 48?”

They were shocked—just like me when I get to my seat after those moments. The fat boy who owned it nodded “It is.”

The other looked at me confusedly—or maybe curious, “Why?”

I was silent for a second, thinking the reason what would I do with that book? I finally said “Can I borrow it?”

They were staring at each other. I don’t remember is it my best-friend-to-be or the boy that has a crush on me saying “You read Naruto?”

“Yeah,” It was a total awkward for me, revealing my hidden nature for the first time. I pointed on the pictures, “This is Nagato, Yahiko, and Konan. All of them were under the eye of Jiraiya since the war.”

I must be over enthusiastic since they are looking at me in a lot stranger way.

“Can I read it on my seat?”

“Well, sure,” The fatty boy hand me the book and I was thanking them before heading back to my seat.

I was seated with sweats on my moves. I just realized how meaningless my effort was since I only leave the boys quietly discussing me and some other kids are confused by me. I finished reading when the bell rings. Others are already got back to class when I get to the boys to bring their comic back.

“Thank you.” I smiled awkwardly, left in a hurry.

I was afraid of other’s opinion about me. I spent the rest of time worrying and avoiding others more intensely. I was ashamed if I remembered others’ sight when they found me chilling between the boys since that time. But I just get there and can’t get out since I had a chance to spend some time with my crush. Silly, but real. The other reason was because they accept me and not taking advantages from me. The only business of me and them was only about the comic books. I think they were just too surprised for getting me into their circle in a sudden.

I don’t remember why and when, but I ended up having two of them as my best friend. One of them just suddenly says that I am his best friend, while the other one was the first boy’s best friend. So I could say that I get between the two of them.  The last person I mentioned was my crush.

My best friends are often asked me to have lunch together, but I always refused it. They are hanging out on a counter full with boys and it doesn’t have any meal I used to eat. I usually accept their offer if it was about only chilling outside or purchasing snacks to eat at the classroom. They often call me to join if they are having some conversations and found me being lonely again. They often walk by my side after the sport class. They are the only people that has courage to tease and mess with me, even most of them ended up laughing and me smiling.

“I hate it when teacher form a group based on presence number.” The first-guy once told me in a serious tone on the day of our last year on primary school. “We can’t have you on our group then, just like the cleaning schedule.”

The second-guy wasn’t disagreeing. “Should we do something?”

I was silenced. The cleaning schedule was a dumb decision though. The first 2 days were scheduled to all boys group since the presence was arranged from boys to girls. I sometimes help them to sweep the floor on their schedule, Monday—and they hand me to lift the seats on my schedule.

The first-guy later gets to teacher, negotiating about the new group forming of the current task. I get back to my seat since I can’t get beside my crush for too long. My seatmate asked me if we could get in the same group if possible. “We’ll see.” I replied to her, my closest female friend since we’re already sharing our table since the 4^th grade.

I actually prefer a group formed by teacher. Due to my experience, students here are taking their closest mates on their group if the teacher gives us full control of it. I was never been anyone’s first selection even I was the smartest student. I usually ended up with someone whose looking for last member and humming “Oh, you haven’t got to any group? Just join us.”

“You can make a group on your own choose.”

My seatmate grips my hand, but it was loosen when she was called by another group. When she realizes that the group is already full with her neighborhood friends, she looked at me. I don’t really likes her group’s member so I just smiled and looking around until I was shocked with my name mentioned loudly. The first-guy waving at me, calling me to gets to his seat and forms a group. It was not really a surprise when I found out that the other members are all boys. My seatmate once tried to get into my group but get away when she looks at the boys.

Did I mention that my male best friends are the most hated boy by most girls? The class’ troublemakers? They are. The only reason I could find out why they befriending me are because I was not a kind of the girls they hate, the girls that formed a gang and act like they are in charge of everything.

That was the story why did I could get along with boys as my friends. I failed this attempt on junior high school and not even trying to do so in senior high school. But my high schools female best friends are still get along with me until this day. The two male best friends of mine was only leaving the first-guy contacted me lately, reporting his acceptance on a governmental institution. We used to interact a little since he attends my SHS as my junior. I lost contact with the second-guy since an awkward situation between us failed after knowing that we had crush on each other. He also lost his father and continues his SHS on local regency.